It's Wearing Me Down

The Battles of Frustration

Even though I’m not the youngest rooster in the barnyard, I still sometimes have issues with frustration. It never seems to disappear.

If you asked me five years ago about where I would be in 2009, I would have given you a list of where I’d be living, what I’d be doing, what my wife and Kids would be busy with, etc. Even though there were many questions to be answered, I was sure of many things and had a decent grasp on the future and my plans for the future.

Times change. Sometimes God can throw you a curve ball and allow drastic changes to take place within your life and disrupt all of your plans. It can get very trying and frustrating when things don’t go as you plan.

Do you have unfulfilled expectations? Is there an unmet need in your life, or has a dream been shattered? From personal experience, I can tell you that sometimes in life we experience setbacks and failures. We work towards a goal, only to see it thwarted. We have an image in our minds of the perfect family, career, or lifestyle—yet there are many times we fail to live up to those images.

Hopes and dreams are not bad—they inspire us to keep going. But when dreams fail, they leave us confused, disillusioned and sometimes totally devastated. Unfulfilled expectations are painful. They can even be traumatic, especially when we have put our whole hope and planned our futures on these expectations.

After 20 years of working for the government, I noticed that it’s amazing how fifteen minor frustrations at work can add up to one big, bad attitude by the time you head for home. Frustrations come in three varieties:

• Interruptions: unexpected delays when you have a deadline to meet or something important requires your attention. No matter how well we plan, at times our best plans are often interrupted.
• Inconveniences: inconveniences are usually situations involving things: the copy machine breaks down, traffic jams on the roadway, or something disappears when you need it.
• Irritations: Long delays, unreliable people, playing telephone tag, illness, obnoxious clients, etc.In all actuality, you can’t eliminate these. You will face all three varieties this week, but you can keep them from stressing you out.

Though you cannot eliminate them, one tremendous way to reduce stress is to learn how to manage your frustrations.

• Don’t resist it, but don’t overreact or blow up.
• Don’t resent it; don’t internalize you anger.
• Don’t resign to it; don’t have a pity-party.

Instead, do what you can to reduce it. Treat it as insignificant. Put the frustration into proper perspective. Though it can seem very traumatic, it’s just a minor setback, a part of living, no big deal! I’m sure you’ve heard this statement before so follow these two rules for stress management:

RULE #1: Don’t sweat the small stuff.
RULE #2: Recognize that it’s all small stuff!

The Bible says, “A man’s wisdom gives him patience…” Proverbs 19:11

The only way we can see all stuff as small stuff is to view it from God’s perspective. When I am in tune with God, I remember He has everything under control even though I don’t! So I don’t have to sweat it: “The fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control” (Galatians 5:22-23 NIV).

If your church or pastor is of any worth, they can help you work through your frustration, there are times you need to talk to someone. When I was facing the troubles and trials of previous years, the Lord allowed me to spend time with a couple of Pastor friends of mine and they were a tremendous blessing to me as I recovered from the trauma that had taken place in my life. Just talk to someone in the church that you trust. Sit down with them and talk about life's problems, being able to talk about it with an objective and confidential source can make you feel a lot better. If they give you any advice, make sure it goes along with what God’s word says. Just because they may seem to be a good Christian or pastor does not mean they wouldn’t give you advice that is contrary to God’s word. The most powerful tool at your disposal however is prayer. Talk with God and ask for His help and guidance through the times.

Frustration is hard to overcome, but with help it can be.

In John 16:33, Jesus says: "I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace and confidence. In the world you have tribulation and trials and distress and frustration; but be of good cheer! For I have overcome the world."

Being a Christian doesn't mean that we will not experience difficult times. God has told us the truth, that at times life will be difficult. He has provided to us a way to overcome these tough times, by following Jesus' teachings and surrendering our lives to Him. His peace is amazing and His love is unmatched. You can rest in trusting that He is working all things for the good. Victory through tough times comes by staying connected to other believers, reading Gods word, trusting God, praying, worshiping and staying free from sins grip on us through forgiveness. If you are troubled today, lift your head up and realize your Saviors love for you. He has promised to never leave you or turn His back on you.

First Words

Each workday morning, I get the opportunity to travel 18 miles to work. Since I live by myself, I don’t usually get the opportunity to speak until I arrive at work. Recently, I started paying attention to the first words I speak every morning to see the motive, emotion, attitude, and purpose behind them.

Our first words in many ways can set the attitude and path we start the day out on. If they are harsh or critical, then we have a much better chance that the day will start out in a negative manner. If our first words are uplifting, we can set a positive tone for the day and help us as make the day a much more enjoyable event.

Philippians 4:8 (The Message)
Summing it all up, friends, I'd say you'll do best by filling your minds and meditating on things true, noble, reputable, authentic, compelling, gracious—the best, not the worst; the beautiful, not the ugly; things to praise, not things to curse. Put into practice what you learned from me, what you heard and saw and realized. Do that, and God, who makes everything work together, will work you into his most excellent harmonies.

After tracking my words for about a month, I noticed a definite pattern. Many times my first words were directed at people in traffic on my route to work. Though I live in a rural area, the traffic on my road can be heavy at times due to the thousands of people that transverse my road on their way to work at SRS. I spent twenty years there myself and though the management of the facility preaches safety in every aspect of your life (work and home) apparently their workers forget much of the safety training while they are in route to work. That along with the people that think they are the only people on the road or that the roads were built for them, can have a tendency to get me riled up on the roadway, not only in the morning but anytime. I recognized that I have the desire to vocalize my opinion of their driving and at time question their family’s heritage. When this happens, I start the day out on the wrong foot and it creates a hurdle for me to overcome in order to correct the issue and get my mind and attitude back on track.

If I make it to work without incident, usually the first words directed to me are from co-workers. Depending on which door I come in, they are either cordial welcomes or desperate pleas for help with an issue that affects the ability for the station to operate in the excellent manner which the employees and public have come to expect. Many times I am bombarded with requests long before I even make it to my office to gather my composure and focus on events for the day. When this happens, I can also start the day off in a negative manner requiring an attitude also.

However on most days, I make my commute to work quietly and to my office at work without incident. On these days, the first words are usually directed to/from me as pleasantries from the wonderful co-workers I have. Usually it’s one of the kind gentlemen or beautiful young ladies I work with and one cannot help but start the day out on the right foot after a kind word from them.

Our attitudes can be set by the initial moments we start our day off with. If you have children or a spouse, sometimes they can be difficult at the beginning of the day. A rough nights sleep or, as with children, a rough wake up can make us start the day off in a negative manner and can adversely affect our entire day. A difficult co-worker can also have the same effect on our day. It’s at this time we need to decide that no matter how we start the day off, we will have a good day and stay positive throughout the day.

A few years back I was going through a rough patch almost every morning. No matter how I felt when I woke in the morning, something was going to ruin it and I’d have a tough time making it through the day with my usual upbeat personality. I learned even more during this time to meditate and pray asking the Lord to help me to stay positive no matter what life dealt me during the day. It can be difficult, however it can be accomplished.

I still have a way to go as I have not attained the level I need. I’ve worked on the negative attitudes I have acquired and still need to eliminate the unkind remarks I make to others at times. It’s a continual process and the Lord has helped me much in these areas over the past few months but progress still needs to be made.

All this being said, I ask you to try this experiment: over the next two weeks minimum (preferably the next month), start tracking the first words you speak of each day. Note what the words were, who they were directed toward, their meaning and context, and your tone for the words. Check to see if any adjustments need to be made so that you can stay in a positive mental state and make the day more enjoyable to you and those you come into contact with each day. It can help you mentally, emotionally, and physically.

And It Came to Pass

This “note” is a re-hash of a devotion I did several years ago. Life has changed drastically for me since I first wrote this and I can vouch for it even more than I could back then. Even in life’s darkest moments, we can have peace knowing “this too shall pass”.
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And it Came to Pass

Over 400 times in the bible, the phrase “And it came to pass” is mentioned. Here are just a few;

Genesis 8:13 (KJV) After Noah & his family landed with the ark.
And it came to pass in the six hundredth and first year, in the first month, the first day of the month, the waters were dried up from off the earth: and Noah removed the covering of the ark, and looked, and, behold, the face of the ground was dry.
God provided safety.

Exodus 17:10-12 (KJV) Moses leading the Jewish during battle
So Joshua did as Moses had said to him, and fought with Amalek: and Moses, Aaron, and Hur went up to the top of the hill.
And it came to pass, when Moses held up his hand, that Israel prevailed: and when he let down his hand, Amalek prevailed.
But Moses hands were heavy; and they took a stone, and put it under him, and he sat thereon; and Aaron and Hur stayed up his hands, the one on the one side, and the other on the other side; and his hands were steady until the going down of the sun.
God provided victory.

Judges 16:24-26 (KJV) Philistines had captured Samson and were having a good time making fun of Samson.
And when the people saw him, they praised their god: for they said, Our god hath delivered into our hands our enemy, and the destroyer of our country, which slew many of us.
And it came to pass, when their hearts were merry, that they said, Call for Samson, that he may make us sport. And they called for Samson out of the prison house: and he made them sport: and they set him between the pillars.
And Samson said unto the lad that held him by the hand, Suffer me that I may feel the pillars whereupon the house standeth, that I may lean upon them.
God honored His promise.

Matthew 9:10-11 (KJV) Jesus eating with “unworthy” people
And it came to pass, as Jesus sat at meat in the house, behold, many publicans and sinners came and sat down with him and his disciples.
And when the Pharisees saw it, they said unto his disciples, Why eateth your Master with publicans and sinners?

Luke 16:21 -23 (KJV) Rich man and poor man
And desiring to be fed with the crumbs which fell from the rich man’s table. moreover the dogs came and licked his sores.
And it came to pass, that the beggar died, and was carried by the angels into Abraham’s bosom:
the rich man also died, and was buried;
And in hell he lift up his eyes, being in torments, and seeth Abraham afar off, and Lazarus in his bosom.

Luke 2:1-3 (KJV) Probably most known version
And it came to pass in those days, that there went out a decree from Caesar Augustus that all the world should be taxed. And all went to be taxed, every one into his own city.
What is common about all of these situations? They came to pass. They were here for a time, but then they passed.

Look at some of these fads from the past fifty years.
· Poodle skirts
· Doo Wap music
· Flower children
· Beatniks
· Disco clothes & music
· Pet rocks
· Dance fads
· Television shows

Many people who had their 15 minutes of fame. All had this in common, they were here for a time, but they passed.

Mark Lowry claims his favorite verse to be, “And it came to pass...” As he interprets it, “Whatever we’re going through, it didn’t come to stay.” The verse applies everywhere: although this was largely intended for humor, here is some deep spiritual meaning behind it.

· You young 18-year-old jocks that have muscles in your earlobes and piles of hair, enjoy them. They will pass.
· You young girls with the great looks and shape, enjoy them. They will pass.
· Those enjoying great peace, wealth, health, everything’s going good, enjoy it. It will pass.

Even more:

· Those facing health issues, work issues, financial strains, hold on. They will pass.
· Those facing family issues, difficulty with children, hold on. They will pass.
· Maybe you’re facing marriage difficulties, hold on and turn to God. They will pass. (As a side note, turn to GOD-not friends, not relatives, and especially not to a person of the opposite sex. Rely on God and seek Him, He will guide and provide.)

Are you having a bad week? Hold on, it’ll pass. You having a good week...? Hold on, it’ll pass. Especially remember if this period of your life has been really difficult.

“It came to pass...”“It didn’t come to stay, it came to pass.. either it’ll pass or you’ll pass!”

I can, as most of you can, vouch that at times, life can be somewhat difficult. I’m reminded of a story I from my Mother a few years back. It was a book;

Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day

From the moment he wakes up with gum in his hair, things just do not go Alexander’s way. At breakfast, Alexander’s brothers Nick and Anthony reach into their cereal boxes and pull out amazing prizes, while all Alexander ends up with is . . cereal. The situation does not get any better at school, in fact it gets worse. No wonder Alexander wants to move to Australia! In Australia, everything is upside down, so maybe a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day can become a wonderful, terrific, really good day. After school, Alexander encounters even more bad news when he visits the dentist and goes shopping for sneakers with his mother and brothers. And Alexander’s father isn’t at all happy with him when the boys visit his office and Alexander gets a little carried away with the new copying machine! This terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day is enough to make anyone want to go to Australia! At the end, Alexander just wants to eat worms.

When the world is falling down around you and you don’t feel like you can make it, we can give in to the troubles in our lives or we can remember that God is with us and head forward seeking what He has for us next.

Life has often been compared to a series of storms. You’re either in the middle of one, just coming out of one, or getting ready to go into one. If you’re in one now, hold on-God is with you. If you’re just coming out of one, praise God for bringing you through it. If you’re getting ready to enter one, draw close to God and He’ll take care of you and comfort you. If everything in your life is going along smooth.’ now get prepared, I promise a storms on the horizon.

Hanahan — Hurricane Hugo
We were sent to the Charleston area after Hurricane Hugo came through in the late 1980’s. In many areas, it was a scene of total destruction. Trees downed, houses destroyed, cars & boats damaged. It looked as if a gigantic bomb had gone off and thrown everything to the ground. In many places you could see the power of what a large storm could do to our environment.

Our lives are the same way. God brings us good times, but He also allows bad times to come to us also. You can look at each of us and see the result of storms in our lives through the years. It’s part of our makeup and part of our testimony. How we respond to the storms can tell much about us.

Why does God allow us to suffer and go through storms/trials/difficulties?

A. Difficulties Force Us Into Dependence.

Let’s face it, we are very independent bunch of people and normally the only thing that will cause us to become dependent are hard times. I don’t think God wants us to learn all of our lessons the hard way but if that is what it takes for us to experience His blessing in our lives then I guess that is what he will use. He loves us too much to allow us to destroy ourselves.

B. Difficulties Force Us Into Patience.

Why wait on God when I don’t have to wait on MacDonald’s? After all if I can get my Big Mac in 30 seconds or less then why can’t God do whatever He needs to do just as quickly? We probably would never say that out loud but I wonder how many of us feel that way? I guess we need to subscribe to Mark Lowry’s favorite bible verse, “and it came to pass.”

C. Difficulties Mature Us.

God allows us to sometimes suffer so that we can mature in our faith and draw closer to Him. When bad times come again to us in the future, we can look back and see where He has been faithful to us and protected us in previous bad times.

James 1:2-5 (NIV)
“Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. I any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him.”

1 Thessalonians 5:18 (KJV)
In every thing give thanks: for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus concerning you.

In everything give thanks - not FOR everything give thanks. I don’t think God expects us to give thanks for having cancer, but I do think He expects us to give thanks to Him for those who help us, and the assurance of knowing that no matter what it may bring us, He will be there to take care of us.

Hebrews 13:4-6 (NIV)
Keep your lives free from the love of money and be content with what you have, because God has said,
“Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you.”
So we say with confidence, “The Lord is my helper; I will not be afraid. What can man do to me?”

Philippians 4:10-12 (NIV)
I rejoice greatly in the Lord that at last you have renewed your concern for me. Indeed, you have been concerned, but you had no opportunity to show it. I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want.

No matter what happens in life, what matters is the attitude towards it. ‘Life can only be as good as your attitude about it.” Trouble & happiness comes and goes. Enjoy the good parts while they last, make the best of the bad parts.

That, I feel, is the key to being content. All things will come to pass, we have to trust and rely on God for His protection and power. Just remember as the song says, “The God on the mountain is still God in the valleys.”

God promises to be with us and to protect us.

The promise God gave us in Hebrews 13,
I'll never let you down, never walk off and leave you." (the Message)

Unfortunately, that doesn’t apply to everyone. You may be asking, “What do you mean?”

God promises to take care of His own but you have to be one of His own. That means realizing that you are imperfect (a sinner), your need for a Savior (Jesus Christ), and turning over control of your life to Him and submitting to His direction and will for your life. It may sound difficult and at times it can be, but it’s free and as easy as saying,

“Lord Jesus, I know that I am a sinner and I do not deserve eternal life. But, I believe You died and rose from the grave to purchase a place in Heaven for me. Jesus, come into my life, take control of my life, forgive my sins and save me. I am now placing my trust in You alone for my salvation and I accept your free gift of eternal life.”

The reward is more than you could ever imagine. No matter what comes your way, it will pass and you’ll make it through stronger than you were before.

Forgive Them! Are You Crazy?

One of the best things the Lord has ever blessed me with was a forgiving spirit. It has come in handy many times in my life and makes things easier and life better. Medical studies have shown that people who are forgiving have less stress and fewer medical problems than those who hold grudges and harbor bitterness in their lives.

My former girlfriend (and later wife) had a difficult time forgiving others and held grudges against people for many years. I minored in counseling and during my years in seminary, so I decided that I wanted to delve deeper into the subject of forgiveness to see if I could learn more about it so that maybe I could help her and others better deal with the issue. I even did one of my dissertations on the subject of forgiveness.

Even with the “extra” help, I still didn’t become proficient enough to help others deal with their forgiveness issues. Though a few made some headway, I am in no way an expert on the subject. Nevertheless, I thought I’d take the opportunity (many years later) to share some of my insight into the subject of forgiveness. Granted, this is a Christian viewpoint and though you may not be a Christian, may even despise them, or be an atheist, these can still provide you some useful information as you deal with forgiveness in your own life.


Someone wronged you. Whether it’s a broken trust, a lie, someone talked about you behind your back, stole from you, cheated on you, was mean to you, violated you, or whatever the issue may be, you’ve been wronged. The view in the world is to get them back and avenge the wrong. After all, don’t they deserve it? We have pride and many times think we’re above forgiving some people and things. Maybe this isn’t even the first time they have wronged you. How many times must I continue to be wronged by this person? The answer is not always what we want to hear. Forgiveness is not a one time ordeal. It’s a life changing action that is not always easy or convenient. Turning the other cheek is against our human nature and our society teaches us that we must be avenged and that someone has to pay for wronging us. There are numerous verses in the Bible that speak of God’s model of forgiveness. For the sake of being brief and not making this a long, exhausting study on the Biblical model of forgiveness, I’ll just pick a few of the verses that help us understand the principle of forgiveness.

Item 1: Forgiveness Requires Forgetfulness
In Psalm 130:3-4, the Bible tells us that God doesn’t keep a record of our wrongdoings and He models the lifestyle of forgiveness. He provides unconditional forgiveness and desires us to do the same to others.

I used to have a friend that kept a “daily journal”. In actuality, it was a daily log of how I had wronged them and was a running record of my failures toward them. The journal covered many years and was an excellent example of what Christ specifically tells us we should not do if we are to be one of His followers. Even though it may be difficult, we must learn to let go of the shortcomings that others have had toward us. Christ said that if we bring our failures to Him and ask for forgiveness, He will forgive and remember it no more. We must learn to do the same.

Item 2: Turn the Other Cheek
We briefly touched on this earlier but what does this mean? In Matthew 5:38-42 Christ tells us that when we are offended, we shouldn’t use it as an opportunity to make a public display to let everyone know we have been wronged. We should respond with kindness and humility. Once again, this is against our nature and requires that we turn these type situations over to Christ and rely on Him instead of lashing out and letting them have it. If we decide to lash out at them, we are showing those who wronged us that we are not in control of our actions, but that we are controlled by our flesh and emotions. It can be very damaging to our reputation and witness if we lash out at those who wrong us. I should note however, this should not be taken that we must live our lives as a doormat for others and that we cannot make a stand against a wrong. At some point people must be held accountable for their actions. Blaming their past or their environment for their failures and ignoring their actions is not acceptable. Accountability for one’s self and one’s actions is expected. Not everything in life is someone else’s fault, but that’s a subject for another day.

Item 3: Forgiveness is a Continual Event
In Matthew 18:21-22, someone asked Jesus how many times should we forgive someone for wronging us, seven times? Jesus replied that we must forgive not just seven times but seven times seventy (490). Even more astounding is that if you read the original Greek, you see that this is seven times seventy in a twenty four hour period for the SAME offense. What was Jesus trying to say? Not that we should forgive 490 times a day for the same offense, but that our life should be a continual cycle of forgiving others for their shortcomings.

As stated earlier, maybe we should be a little cognizant of a person that continually wrongs us with the same offense. It could be a sign that they are having trouble with an issue and could need some professional help in getting over an issue. Ignoring problems and hoping they will improve or correct themselves rarely works. Sometimes people need to get professional help.

Item 4: True Forgiveness Does Not Have Strings Attached
We cannot base our forgiveness on a list of requirements that our offenders must meet in order to receive forgiveness from us. Forgiveness is offered freely and should not have criteria for the offender to meet. No one can earn forgiveness. The same is true of Christ. He tells us if we ask for forgiveness from Him, He grants it.

Item 5: Sometimes We Need to Ask For Forgiveness
There are times in our lives when we’ve wronged others and need to go to them and ask for forgiveness.

Several years back when I was in the process of getting divorced, the Youth Pastor of the church my family was attending called me and blasted me for being a horrible father to my two Children. He even gloated and made light of the fact that my marriage of 18 years was coming to an end. I didn’t handle this too well and decided that I would vent the anger and frustration of my circumstances at him. During our conversation, I proceeded to “let him have it”. After all, he was extremely rude to me and was about as unkind toward me as anyone had ever been my entire life. We finally ended our conversation and I figured that if anyone ever owed me an apology, it was him. After a few days I had recovered from it and moved on. A couple of years later while I was at a pastoral seminar on church growth, the speaker mentioned that an unforgiving spirit or something that we may even be subconsciously holding onto could be hindering our walk with God and causing trouble with our life/ministry. He talked of this only a moment during the first day of the seminar and didn’t even spend a minute on it before returning to the subject at hand. I have no idea what they spoke of the rest of that day, or the next day as I became obsessed with that one remark. It was as if God had only brought me to the seminar to hear that one thing. Though I had been wronged by the Youth Pastor and he may or may not ever ask for forgiveness for what he said to me, I was wrong in the way I handled it. I said, “Lord, don’t You remember what he did to me, how he talked to me, and how he treated me?” He reminded me that I do not have to answer for him or anyone else, but I do have to answer for my actions and reactions. I reacted wrongly and no matter if he ever asks for forgiveness or not, I must ask him to forgive me for my attitude and reactions to him. I pondered it for a while and thought of stopping by his house and apologizing but never did. Finally one night at a football game I saw him and his family and talked with him and apologized for my words, attitude and actions. It wasn’t easy but it did seem to remove a load of weight from me.

Hopefully these five steps will be of use to you as you go through your daily walk. Forgiveness is not always easy and at times it may seem to make you feel better to not forgive. However, if you make a concerted effort to forgive, you can be surprised at how much easier it becomes and how much more enjoyable life can be. Holding grudges ages you quicker and can shorten your life. The easiest way live is to learn to forgive, and let God handle it.

Psalm 130:3-4
If you God, kept records on wrongdoings, who would stand a chance?
As it turns out, forgiveness is Your habit, and that's why you're worshiped.

Matthew 5:38-42
"Here's another old saying that deserves a second look: 'Eye for eye, tooth for tooth.'
Is that going to get us anywhere? Here's what I propose: 'Don't hit back at all.'
If someone strikes you, stand there and take it.
If someone drags you into court and sues for the shirt off your back, gift-wrap your best coat and make a present of it.
And if someone takes unfair advantage of you, use the occasion to practice the servant life. No more tit-for-tat stuff. Live generously.

Matthew 18:21-22
At that point Peter got up the nerve to ask, "Master, how many times do I forgive a brother or sister who hurts me? Seven?"
Jesus replied, "Seven! Hardly. Try seventy times seven.

Is it Really Time for a Change?

A few years back the lead pastor (he was not my pastor, but that’s a story for another day) of the church I attended came to me and asked if I would lead worship during a revival we were hosting at a small church in North Carolina that another of our pastors was preaching at. Our worship leader was to go but could not as he was expecting his first grandchild and didn’t want to be 8 hours away in case the grandchild arrived during the week. I told them that I would go and went to lead worship. The church was located in the Outer Banks in North Carolina. The Outer Banks is steeped in history and beauty. I had been there before and it quickly moved up on my list of favorite places.

The church we were holding revival at was also steeped in history and was built in the 1830’s. The average age of the church was probably in the mid to late 60’s. We arrived late on a Friday evening and had a meeting with some of the members to plan where we wanted to go in the community and invite people to come to the meetings we were having. On Saturday, we went to the areas and invited people. While traveling back, I asked about a trailer park we were approaching and found out that we weren’t visiting it and I asked “why not?” I was told they never visited there because it was “too far” from the church. It was less than a mile away from the church, it was then I knew we were in for an adventurous week at the church.

The church had no musicians, a limited sound system, no video system and if you packed the building, you may be able to get 50 people in the church. We brought both a sound and a video system with us and hooked them up on Saturday afternoon. By Saturday night we were all ready to go. Several members of the church stopped by as we were setting up and heard the CD’s and DVD’s we were playing. It was contemporary music and I could tell from the looks we were getting that it was going to be a major change for them. They probably were dreading it, but I was excited.

The church in many ways was still stuck in the 1830’s. The newest music they sang on Sunday morning was a modern (to them) song from the 1970’s. They had an order of worship and stuck to it. They were very traditional and regimented in their structure and worship. They sang the doxology, welcomed everyone, recognized the visitors, took an offering, gave a Sunday School report, and sang a coupe more songs before turning it over to our outreach pastor to preach. He brought his message and told them that we would be handling the music and entire services for the remainder of the week and encouraged them to attend and invite others. He also wanted them to know that we were going to do things a little different than they were used to and for them to be prepared for the difference. We began services on Sunday night. I played guitar and piano some before the services but didn’t use them during the service, only soundtracks and DVD’s. Our entire week was devoted to a despised word in many churches today – CHANGE.

We had almost 20 people in attendance for the evening service. Unfortunately, we had brought about 9 of the people with us so we made up almost half of the crowd. There were two people we had invited from the neighborhood there. The pastor brought the message and did his best to motivate the members into trying to reach the people in the community. We kept this up every night of the week, saw more people attending every night and by the end of the week, we had a packed house. I had talked with many of the people and they mentioned that they could not keep the younger adults, teens, or children attending or interested in being a part of the church. They had lost touch and no longer was the church relevant to their lives. I did my best to politely let them know that even though times had changed, the methods of the church had not. What worked in the 1940’s and 1950’s to make the church relevant no longer works today. In order to make the church more vibrant and once again become a needed part of people’s lives is for the church to have a makeover.

Make no mistake in my statement. The message we deliver cannot be changed. The message of salvation and the holiness and deity of Jesus Christ has not and will not ever change. We cannot change our beliefs and principles just so we can attract people. The gospel message is still the same today as it was in the 1830’s. If you die without accepting Christ as your Lord and Savior, you will still die and go to hell just as they did in the old days. However, we have to make changes in the way we present it. As I stated, what worked years ago is not working today. Churches are dying and people are walking away from church because of tradition and the inability of church to make the changes needed to become relevant to peoples lives. The illustration I used with the church is the following;

There are two brand new cars in the lot. Both serve the same purpose, to reliably take you from point A to point B. Both are the exact same price, in mint condition, seat four people, have less than 10 miles on them, and get similar gas mileage. For $12,000, you can have either car. Here are the two choices

Choice 1
1972 AMC Pacer
Vinyl Seats
AM/FM Radio with an 8 Track
Manual Steering
Manual Brakes
Automatic Transmission
Manual Windows
Manual Door Locks

Choice 2
2009 Ford Mustang
Leather Seats
AM/FM Stereo with CD & MP3 Player
Power Steering
Power Brakes with Anti-Lock
Automatic Transmission
Power Windows
Power Door Locks
Cruise Control
Tilt Steering
Heated Seats
Air Conditioning
Power Seats
Cruise Control
Tilt Steering
Air Conditioning
Power Seats

Rarely will someone decide that they want the Pacer. Most will want the convenience, styling, and modernization of the Mustang. The Pacer may have been a good choice years ago but its styling is dated and its obsolescence makes it irrelevant and unattractive to younger people.

The same goes with our churches. The programs and worship styles we use must be modernized to be more attractive to younger generations. If you have your ticket and are on your way to heaven, then church is no longer about what attracts you or what you are comfortable with. Our primary goal as Christians is to reach out to others and bring them into a relationship with Jesus Christ. Jesus told us to “go into the world and compel them to come to Him”. We have to provide something attractive to be able to bring them to Him. Just because it was good enough for Granny (or me) does not mean it is still effective in today’s environment.

This is not to say that we should abandon the old ways. There are still people who will be attracted to Jesus by the old methods. However, you can go to some towns with churches on almost every corner and see that churches that use the old ways are plentiful. It’s what many people are comfortable with and they seem to think that if you want to come to Christ, you’ll have to conform to their ways because they will not change for you. Traditional churches are a dime a dozen and unfortunately, most of them are dying or have already died, they just haven’t noticed yet.

No one drives a Model T everyday, Hollywood does not make silent movies, nor does anyone watch a black and white TV anymore. If the rest of the world can change and embraces modern technology and methods, then why not the church? To once again be relevant and reach the world today, we must change. Not our beliefs, but our methods.
It will be a struggle, you may be alienated by so-called Christians and even friends, but the rewards far outweigh the costs.

GLW

Troubles, Trials, Hills, Valleys

As an aged former rocker, I love many contemporary Christian bands. My favorite is Third Day (with apologies to MercyMe). The song that is on the top of my list is "Mountain of God".

The Lord sometimes gives me the opportunity to speak of how we can make it through any troubles and trials that come our way if we place our faith and trust in Him. There will be times that we feel we're going through our troubles all alone and that no one cares. Loneliness is something that can steal your happiness and joy when troubles come your way, bringing the overwhelming sense of depression into your life. Though I minored in counseling, I’m speaking from my personal experience. The events Christ has allowed me to go through the past three years have been very traumatic and there are times that I feel like my friends and family have deserted me, no one cares, and Christ seems like a distant figure that is busy with the other people and problems of the world. When we take the view that we’re all alone, defeat settles in.

During times like these, we have to look deep within and rely on Christ more than we ever have before. It can be difficult because human nature makes us want to isolate ourselves and withdraw from others. We want to handle our problems on our own and tough it out. Others may view it as a sign of weakness if we let them see that we’re vulnerable. Christ never designed us to be introverts. If we go back to the beginning and look at Adam, we see that God decided it wasn’t good for him to be alone so He created Eve as a companion. (Genesis 2:18-“and the LORD God said, It is not good that the man should be alone”-NIV) People can grieve with us, comfort us, and cheer us up if we allow them to. Christ loves us more than we could ever imagine or deserve, He wants us to cast our worries and care on Him and promised to never leave us or turn His back on us. (1 Peter 5:7 Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you; Deuteronomy 31:8-“The Lord Himself goes before you and will be with you; He will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged.”-NIV)

In 1963, the United States Supreme Court made it illegal to have verbal prayer in America's public schools. The primary plaintiff of the court case was one of the best-known atheists, Madalyn Murray O'Hair. Through the years, she was very vocal in her support of atheism and the “ringleader” in the campaign against religion in public life. However, on August 27 1995, she vanished, leaving her car at an airport and $500,000 missing from the American Atheists Association bank account. The Internal Revenue Service seized Mrs. O'Hair's home and property for payment of creditors and back taxes, one of the items at auction were her diaries. An entry stated, "The whole idiotic hopelessness of human relations descends upon me. Tonight, I cried and cried, but even then feeling nothing." I was really struck by four words that Madalyn Murray O'Hair reportedly wrote at least half a dozen times over the years, "Somebody, somewhere, love me."

The cry for love in Mrs. O'Hair's diary, is the cry of every human heart, "Somebody, somewhere, love me." Even for many of us who do believe in God, there is still that awful hurting feeling. It's possible for us to believe in God, to do God's work, and to still miss out on the experience of His love. And without that love, the emptiness and loneliness in our heart is never satisfied - no matter how many loves we experience.

While you may not be an atheist, it could be that you've invested a lot in things that could easily become other gods: your career, your children, your projects, maybe your friends, your charity work, even your spiritual pursuits. But the deep, sense of aloneness seldom seems to go away. Every type of love has ultimately either failed you or failed to satisfy you. So, after all these years, your heart is still whispering - even shouting the same thing - "Somebody, somewhere, love me." I put my former Wife and my Children above Christ and the love He had for me and when they were all gone, suffered a tremendous blow from the void of their love. It was then I came to the realization that His love would never end whether I failed Him or not. I all had to do was to ask for Him to forgive my shortcomings and I was immediately restored in my walk with Him. Though others, and I, may remember my failures and bring them to mind, He never did or will. His love is unconditional and His forgiveness is unlimited.

Asking God to help you is easy. Developing a close relationship with Him is also easy. You can bring your shortcomings, hurts, loneliness, worries, cares, problems, etc. to Him no matter how large or small. He longs for us to have a close walk with Him and to provide you with an unloseable, unconditional, and immeasurable love. When all others fail, when all others turn their backs, when all others disappear, He will still be there patiently waiting for us. No matter what we’ve done or how hard we’ve fallen, He’ll still be there for us and love us. As a Christian, Jesus will be there with you. No matter how low the valley or how high the mountain, He is there with you.

Jesus is the "Somebody, somewhere" that your heart has been lonely for. And you don't have to live one more day without His love.


Mountain of God

Third Day

I thought that I was all alone, broken and afraid but You were there with me.
Yes, You were there with me.
And I didn't even know that I had lost my way but You were there with me.
Yes, You were there with me.

'Til You opened up my eyes I never knew, that I couldn't ever make it without You.

Even though the journey's long and I know the road is hard.

Well, the One who's gone before me He will help me carry on.

And after all that I've been through now I realize the truth.

That I must go through the valley to stand upon the mountain of God.

As I travel on the road that You have lead me down You are here with me.
Yes, You are here with me.
I have need for nothing more now that I have found that You are here with me.
Yes, You are here with me.

I confess from time to time I lose my way,
But You are always there to bring me back again.

Even though the journey's long and I know the road is hard.

Well, the One who's gone before me He will help me carry on.

And after all that I've been through now I realize the truth.

That I must go through the valley to stand upon the mountain of God.

Sometimes I think of where it is I've come from and the things I've left behind.
But of all I've had, what I possessed nothing can quite compare with what's in front of me.

Even though the journey's long and I know the road is hard.

Well, the One who's gone before me He will help me carry on.

And after all that I've been through now I realize the truth.

That I must go through the valley to stand upon the mountain of God.

Yes I must go through the valley to stand upon the mountain.

Yes I must go through the valley to stand upon the mountain.

I thought that I was all alone broken and afraid but, You are here with me.

Yes, You are here with me.

Before You Pop the Question: 5 Keys to Love That Lasts

Here's my usual disclaimer. I did not write this post, but I did modify it some. The author is listed at the end of the article.
I was married for almost 19 years to a woman I truly loved and devoted my life to, but things did not work out as I desired and we are no longer married. I am not an expert at marriage, was a horrible husband, and failed miserably at being married.

That being said, this is a great article for those who are planning to become married or even for those who are currently married. Please take time to read it and if possible, apply some of it to your life/marriage. May God bless you and your marriage.
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How many want to fall in love one day?
How many want to marry and stay married to that person for the rest of your life?

On a piece of paper, I want you to write your personal definition of romantic love. Your definition should be detailed enough to give you the criteria that will position you to commit to one person for a lifetime. Look at what Solomon's wife said about her love for him:

Song of Solomon 8:6 “Always keep me in your heart and wear this bracelet to remember me by. The passion of love bursting into flame is more powerful than death, stronger than the grave.”

Set me like a cylinder seal over your heart, like a signet on your arm. For love is as strong as death, passion is as unrelenting as Sheol. Its flames burst forth, it is a blazing flame.”

Your ideas about love lay a foundation for your marriage. So, it’s a good idea to reassess your core values and consider how your concept of romantic love lines up with a biblical perspective.

Five Keys to Romantic Love

Observation 1: Marriage Takes Friendship

One key to a healthy marriage is friendship rooted in common values and interests.

Two types of love:

• Eros is powerful romantic love that flares up quickly and expresses itself in dramatic ways.
• Storge (or Phileo) is the love between friends; it is slow to develop but durable.

When you’re dating, it’s easy to get caught up in the romance of eros love. But in marriage, love and commitment are often expressed through mundane, daily responsibilities and sacrifices that are more associated with friends than lovers.

Song of Solomon 5:14 – 16 “His arms are branches of gold covered with jewels; his body is ivory decorated with sapphires. His legs are columns of marble on feet of gold. He stands there majestic like Mount Lebanon and its choice cedar trees.”

Questions to Ask Yourself:

• Do we get excited about the same things?
• How many common interests do we have?
• Do they include spiritual things?
• Do I like this person?

Observation 2: Enduring Love is Unselfish

For love to last, it must be unselfish.

Philippians 2:3 – 4 “Don't be jealous or proud, but be humble and consider others more important than yourselves. Care about them as much as you care about yourselves”

Simply put, marital love is work. “When we love someone our love becomes real only through the fact that for that someone we take an extra step or walk an extra mile. Love is not effortless. To the contrary, love is effortful. – Psychologist M. Scott Peck

Love is a daily decision to “treat one another as more important than yourself” and focus on the needs of another.

Questions to Ask Yourself:

• Am I willing to put this person’s needs above my own, even when it’s inconvenient?
• Will I be willing to do that for the rest of my life?
• As we continue to date, am I becoming more or less selfish in the relationship?

Observation 3: Premarital Sex Confuses Everything

Avoiding sexual intimacy before marriage is another component of finding lasting love. Besides the fact that it goes against God’s directives (1st Thessalonians 4:3 “God wants you to be holy, so don't be immoral in matters of sex”), premarital sex clouds judgment. Deciding to marry someone is one of the most important steps you’ll ever take; you need to be able to evaluate the relationship clearly. Yet sexual intimacy often makes a couple feel closer than they are and hinders their ability to see each other in nonsexual ways.

Referring to premarital sex, when God sets something off limits it’s because He wants to protect and provide. In this case, God wants to protect you from making a clouded decision about another person, perhaps so He can provide you with a committed marriage that honors Him.

What does it mean to abstain from sexual immorality? What are you thinking about right now? Then it means to abstain from it.

Questions to Ask Yourself:

• Is our physical contact in line with God’s standards?
• Is our physical relationship clouding our ability to see each other clearly?
• Is our current physical involvement helping us to honor our future marriage and keep it pure?

Hebrews 13:4 “Have respect for marriage. Always be faithful to your partner, because God will punish anyone who is immoral or unfaithful in marriage.”

Observation 4: Marital Love Requires Commitment

The Bible’s picture of mature romantic love, however, implies lasting commitment: “A man shall leave his father and mother, and be joined to his wife; and they shall become one flesh” (Genesis 2:24 NASB). What does that mean?

“A man shall leave his father and mother” – my spouse is my main concern once we wed. I must put him/her first in our marriage.

“Be joined to his wife” – be joined or “cleaved” is the decision to share everything – time, money, emotions, thoughts, fears, failure, and triumphs. The idea is to be stuck together like to two things that are glued.

“Become one flesh” – when we attach our souls to one another we become one with that person spiritually, intellectually, emotionally, and physically. The implication of this verse is that you put your security on the line and commit entirely to one person to face a lifetime of challenges.

Questions to Ask Yourself:

• Am I willing to put a lifetime of effort into this one relationship?
• Am I ready to risk my physical, emotional, financial, and spiritual security to start a new family?
• Will I stick with this person in good and bad times?
• When bad times hit, what will remind me of the rightness of my decision to be one flesh with this person?
• Where will I find the strength to love this one person consistently for the rest of my life?

Observation 5: Divine Love is the Key

Our ability to love a person – and enjoy that person’s love in return – is dependent upon our experience of God’s love. The reason becomes apparent when we consider the types of love all of us hope to receive.

1 Corinthians 13: 4 – 8, “Love is kind and patient, never jealous, boastful, proud, or rude. Love isn't selfish or quick tempered. It doesn't keep a record of wrongs that others do. Love rejoices in the truth, but not in evil. Love is always supportive, loyal, hopeful, and trusting. Love never fails! Everyone who prophesies will stop, and unknown languages will no longer be spoken. All that we know will be forgotten. Love is patient, love is kind, it is not envious. Love does not brag, it is not puffed up. It is not rude, it is not self-serving, it is not easily angered or resentful. It is not glad about injustice, but rejoices in the truth. It bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never ends.”

This description of love resonates with us because it was inspire by God for people made to be receptors of His divine live. Our fascination with and yearning for perfect love has been embedded into our hearts.

If we’re honest, though, we realize there’s no way we can always love someone as Paul describes. Expecting an imperfect spouse to love us that perfectly is equally unrealistic and invites disappointment and hurt. Only one person can love perfectly: God. Experiencing His unwavering love is the only way human love can be satisfying. Why? Because when we allow ourselves to be loved by a divine love, our need for transcendent love is fulfilled. We’re then free to be content with the love others can offer. And we’re better able to love others the way God loves us.

Questions to Ask Yourself:

• How strong is my relationship with God?
• Do I know how to love my significant other consistently with God’s love?
• Am I asking him or her to love me in ways only God can?
• Is the person I’m considering marrying more in love with God or with me?

Summary:

As Christians, we have access to the perspective of the author of love. God is not just a lover, but love itself (I John 4:8 “The person who does not love does not know God, because God is love.”). His opinion, revealed in His Word, can guide us as we move from dating, to love, to a lifetime commitment with another. If you’re considering marriage, there’s no surer path to a relationship that will not only be deeply fulfilling, but also provide an example to a culture desperate for lasting love.

Adapted from “Before you Pop the Question: 5 Keys to love that lasts” by Tim Muehlhoff in Discipleship Journal July/August 2008